Published July 25, 2024
From Natural Womanhood: Many of our readers may already be familiar with Noelle Mering. Noelle is a wife and mom of six, a fellow at the Ethics and Public Policy Center, the author of multiple books, and the editor of Theology of Home. In a recent interview with Natural Womanhood, Noelle spoke about the ways contraception disadvantages women in particular, why natural family planning (NFP) is relevant to every woman (regardless of pregnancy intention), and what she wishes every woman knew about NFP.
Editor’s note: The following interview was conducted via email, and has been lightly edited for context and clarity.
When did you first hear of NFP/fertility awareness? Were you open to it initially? Did anyone you know use it for family planning?
My husband and I both learned of the Catholic Church’s teaching on contraception as well as the option to space children using natural family planning (NFP) at some point in college. I was a revert and he later became a convert. The teaching was certainly something that we needed to wrap our minds around and not anything he’d considered, having grown up Protestant.
During my senior year, my dad took me to a conference at the Jacques Maritain Center at the University of Notre Dame and one of the speakers fleshed out the teaching more deeply.
I remember being taken by how much it made sense and resonated with me. Not only that, but it spoke beautifully of the Church’s understanding of the human person and the meaning of embodiment–that our bodies are integral to who we are as human persons. We are not merely our inner psychology, able to instrumentalize our bodies at will. Nor are we materialists who believe that the totality of reality is a composition of atoms with no transcendental meaning or nature.
Women suffer when society says that male and female bodies don’t matter
When we disregard our human embodiment as irrelevant, it harms everyone, but it is most immediately a manipulation of the female body and denial of its meaning. This manipulation comes in various forms–from the menstrual cycle manipulation of hormonal birth control to the emotional manipulation which tells women that the casual sex that feels like exploitation is instead a part of their liberation. And finally, the violent manipulation of abortion is the last backstop maintaining the edifice of this revolution.
In grad school at Franciscan University of Steubenville my friend, and later writing partner, Carrie Gress passed around a cassette tape (remember those?) of Janet Smith’s excellent presentation, ‘Contraception: Why Not?’ It was quite compelling and I shared it with several non-Catholics as well who seemed to be affected by the quiet force of the argument.
What was your experience utilizing NFP? Did you use it primarily for family planning or for other purposes like health monitoring?
My husband and I were married at age 23, and while we were both on board with the full embrace of the Church’s teaching, we were also unfamiliar with big families and a bit afraid of getting pregnant “too soon.” So we tried NFP, though we didn’t know anyone else who used it.
We were terrible at it, thankfully! I winged it often, and was inconsistent. We found out six months into marriage that we were indeed expecting, and upon meeting our daughter nine months later were gobsmacked at how silly we were for being afraid of this glorious creature.
Had we simply been popping a pill, I cannot imagine how stupidly, foolishly long we might have waited.
After the birth of our first, we saw little reason to space pregnancies. We did use NFP here and there later on, but not too much or with much discipline. My fertility seemed to wane in my late 30s as well (same as my sister). I still have cycles, but we haven’t practiced NFP in about a decade, and have only had one pregnancy (which ended in miscarriage) in that time.
What would you say to someone who believes NFP to be relevant only for a small percentage of highly religious women?
I would make the distinction for them that that is a descriptive statement, not a normative one. NFP might be practiced most often by Catholics (though there are many non-Catholics who also do so for health-related reasons).
However, the Church’s teaching on contraceptives is a matter of Natural Law, and so is relevant to every person. Getting human intimacy right has deep ramifications on our happiness and flourishing and so considering the telos of sexuality—that bodily design is meaningful and purposeful—ought to be of universal interest, not dismissed as a religious interest alone. Because of this, NFP is also relevant and helpful for those wanting to get pregnant, or those with serious reasons to avoid for a time.
What do you wish every woman knew about NFP?
I wish all women knew how very different it is than artificial contraception. We were never great at NFP, and I think that was not NFP’s fault but perhaps a tell on our part that our reasons did not rise to the level of seriousness to cause us to practice it consistently.
I’d also want women (and couples) to know that being open to life also means being open to infertility or death. We have six living children, and have lost six as well. Through every life and every death (miscarriages and a traumatic loss of twins at 20 weeks) we learned that we are not ultimately in control, and that docility to God’s will fosters intimacy with Him and with one another as well as greater solidarity with the suffering. It is hard to express how deeply grateful I am for it all—the sorrow and the joy.
If you had to pick one way, message, or action to spread awareness of NFP/FAM on a societal level, what would it be?
Seems like Natural Womanhood is doing a great job! I think we need to see the importance of bringing people into our homes and welcoming them into our family life through hospitality. People need to see things embodied in order to recognize them as beautiful. This is a major motivation behind our Theology of Home website and our Theology of Home Project. With so many media-driven distortions of human anthropology and the happiness of family life, this need for good friendship, mentorship, and hospitality is all the greater.
Noelle Mering is a Fellow at the Ethics and Public Policy Center where she co-directs EPPC’s Theology of Home Project. She is the author of the book Awake, Not Woke: A Christian Response to the Cult of Progressive Ideology (TAN Books, May 2021).
